where did the old me go?

A few weeks ago a friend of mine said she was having a get together for a tarot reading. She said that there was an open spot and wanted to know if I was interested in taking it. Now I know what you are thinking…tarot reading?? I know there are some of you that are skeptic of psychics or mediums and that’s okay. However, I do believe there are people who have the ability to talk to the “dead”. I believe there are spirits around us.

Anyways, the tarot reader only had a limit of 6 people to read that night. I was one of those 6. I hadn’t seen a psychic in over 2 years, and I was excited to be read. I have been to a few readings in the past and for some reason this reading made me emotional. I have never cried in a reading before. I couldn’t believe how she said things I needed to hear. Shannon (the reader) told me to believe in signs I have been given but have denied them. She mentioned about one sign in particular, about how spirits leave coins, for example; pennies. She said that it’s sad we don’t have pennies anymore (because we don’t make them in Canada) and they won’t be able to drop pennies as a sign. She also told me I have 7 people around me all the time to help guide and protect me. She went on and on.

The next day I felt I needed to tell my sister how my reading went. She was unable to chat with me right away, so I sent her the recording of my reading to see what she thought and we would catch up when she could.

She called me that evening lol. She understood what Shannon said the cards told me. She said she cried when she listened because she could hear the emotion in my voice and laughed because I asked a silly question. Then our conversation turned into about the past. She talked about what I was like before I had my surgery in 2004 (for my mitral valve). She said I was a very serious person, and they were careful what they could say to me. For example; they couldn’t joke around me because I would take it personally. I would get angry with the person for days even sometimes months!

When she was saying this to me, I couldn’t believe I forgot that is exactly what I was like! Then she continued to say after my surgery I was a totally different person. I looked at “life is too short” and did all the things I wanted to the fullest. I was happy, always telling people I loved them, and hugged them even! I looked at my life in a positive perspective. Then she told me when I had my collapse I changed again. I changed but in a different way, I am still a happy person, I just started to show signs of being afraid, and who worry’s a lot not that I didn’t always worry in the past but just even more.

I didn’t disagree with her when she told me this, I knew right away it was true. I did do those things. I do still look at life it’s short but I am not doing the things I loved. After the conversation we had, I went to bed and of course started to think about what we talked about, and I said to myself, “where did the old me go?” “what happened to me?” “why am I afraid?”

I woke up the next morning feeling very refreshed. I don’t know what it was, I just felt HAPPY! It was almost like I was a whole new person! I couldn’t be more thankful to be alive and I have my sister to thank for helping me “wake up”.

When I went to work that morning, I went to my desk and I pulled my chair out, and I noticed there was something on the floor………..it was a shiny penny! an American penny at that! I couldn’t believe it! I was shocked!! I immediately took a picture and sent it to my sister. She replied back saying “see trust in the signs”. I was in awe!

A few weeks later I chatted with my brother about this and he asked me did you see what year the penny was? I said no I didn’t even think to look at the year, I was just shocked that there was a penny! lol! I told him I would check in the morning what the year was. So I went to work the next day, checked the penny and the year on it was……………………………………………….2012!!!!

I quickly sent him a picture of the penny and he replied back saying “the year of your collapse!” I said “I know!!” I couldn’t believe it! I was in awe again! I also sent it to my sister and she asked me “what does this mean to you?” I replied back ” the year of my collapse”. Now, if that isn’t a sign I don’t know what is!!! I couldn’t believe that Shannon was right! To watch the signs, to believe in them!

I have said earlier I do believe in spirits and I definitely believe someone is giving me a sign they are here helping me.

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lucky

I know I haven’t written in a long while. I haven’t been in the mood to write.

Today, January 24th…….is my lucky day. I can’t believe it’s been 2 years! It’s amazing how time goes by so quickly and yet it feels like it was yesterday. I have been quite emotional this past week coming up to my anniversary. I think I always will not because it’s sad, but because I am so grateful.

It’s not a day that goes by I don’t think about the day of my collapse (in a good way). I think about how lucky I was at the right place, the right time and how lucky it was to have the lifeguards doing their first aid meeting. The lifeguards will always be apart of my life for what they did for me. Gave me life. Again.

Lots have happened in the past 2 years, I got to drive again, ran a 5k and walked another, watched our daughter D graduate, moved to another province, was apart from DC for 9 months because we couldn’t sell our house, sold our house, got clearance to go back to work again, travelled, and to become grandparents.

I can look forward to the many years ahead, to watch my children grow and have their own families. I have learned life is short and to not take it for granted.

I am lucky!


something foreign

After I had my angiogram, I had to have drug challenge tests done to see if I had Brugada Syndrome or Long QT Syndrome. I had never heard of these syndromes before and the Cardiologists had explained each to me. Brugada Syndrome is a genetic disease and can be found by an abnormal electrocardiogram (ECG) and an increased risk of sudden cardiac death. Long QT Syndrome is a disorder of the heart’s electrical activity and it can cause sudden, uncontrollable, dangerous arrhythmias in response to exercise or stress. They say that people who have Long QT syndrome can have arrhythmias for unknown reasons. However, not everyone who has Long QT syndrome has dangerous heart rhythms but if and when they do occur, they can be fatal.

The Brugada syndrome the test was done as a ECG with medication, where they put the probes on your chest that record the electrical impulses that make your heart beat, and these electrical signals can help them detect irregularities in your heart’s rhythm and structure. Your heart rhythm can change and sometimes the ECG may not detect the abnormal heart rhythm so that’s why the doctor gave it with medication thru my IV. That test came up negative.

The Long QT syndrome test was done as a nonexercise medication stress test. An ECG test is performed while you are given medication that stimulates your heart in a similar way to exercise. This drug was also inserted into my IV. The drug has an adrenaline substance that your body releases in response to stress. So in this stress test, the doctors monitor the effects of this adrenaline on the way my heart recharges. They said that this test can unmask in some people what is known as concealed Long QT syndrome which is a normal Q-T interval at rest. Doctors also said that some people who have Long QT syndrome, fainting spells are sometimes triggered by sudden bursts of adrenaline in the body, such as intense exercise or emotional upset. That test came up negative.

They did all the testing that they thought that they could do for me and still had no answers on why I had collapsed that fateful day. The Doctors were stumped! because the tests came up negative, they decided that they wanted to have a genetic test done for Long QT syndrome.(which I had a consultation on May 9th) Meanwhile they had discussed putting something foreign in my body. The foreign something is a device called an Implantable Cardioverter Defibrillator (ICD). An ICD?? I was given a manual, (well I call it a manual) it’s a pretty thick booklet on this device and I couldn’t believe what I read! The definition of an ICD is a small battery-powered electrical impulse generator which is implanted in patients who are at risk of sudden cardiac death due to ventricular fibrillation and ventricular tachycardia. The device is programmed to detect cardiac arrhythmia and correct it by delivering a jolt of electricity. A shock? I was scared when I read that!

After all the discussing with doctors and my family, it was best that I had this implanted due to the nature that they had no answers why I collapsed and it possibly could happen again. And if it did happen again, who knows if I would survive? On January 31 they had implanted the ICD. The first picture is what the device looks like outside the body and the other pictures are the healing process of inside my body.


“miracle”

When I last left you, I was in the hospital…………….. doctors had requested some blood work, what they called Blood Gas, it’s supposed to check your blood levels and they have to draw it out of your main artery. Which hurts because they took it out of my wrist.

The Doctor said they were keeping me over night for observation. I told them that they didn’t need to keep me over night, that I was fine and that I just fainted. The Doctor held my arm and looked at me, said “No you didn’t just faint, you suffered Sudden Death”.  I just sat there in the hospital bed in shock. Just thinking to myself, really?? Sudden Death?? I really thought I just had fainted. The Doctor then said that I was going to see a Cardiologist in the morning, to see what we should do next.

I won’t lie, trying to sleep in a hospital is not easy let alone try to sleep when all of this happened. I was in shock still and they gave me a sedative to help me sleep. However, I had so much adrenaline that the sedative didn’t stay down. The nurse said that I had an allergic reaction to the sedative. I was actually scared to sleep, because I thought if I had supposedly suffered this “Sudden Death”, who’s to say that if I go to sleep and I don’t wake up? It actually took me a few days before I could sleep and when I did sleep it was every 2-3 hrs so it wasn’t all that great either but it was some rest.

The next morning the Cardiologist came in and discussed what he thought and clarified it to Sudden Arrhythmia Death Syndrome. He also said that I was a “miracle” because only 1% of the population get this and out of that 1%, less than 1 % survive. Well talk about shock! plus I still couldn’t get over the fact that I had “died” so to speak. So that evening they airlifted me to another hospital. I was airlifted to another hospital because the hospital I was at didn’t have all the equipment, for Cardiologists to do intensive testing with my heart. That was the first night I spent by myself with out DC and K. I must admit it was really hard not to have them there, since they hadn’t left my side. I didn’t sleep well that night.

In the morning they already got the intensive testing started. I was so nervous because DC and K weren’t there right away, they had to drive, it was going to take them 6 hrs and I wasn’t sure exactly what they were going to do . My first test that they did was an angiogram. I have heard of angiograms before because my grandmother had this done. She told me that they went in her main artery in her leg, and in her arm, well when I remembered that, I was so scared! Scared that it was going to hurt! No matter how many needles I have had, I still get scared of them. The nurses told me what exactly they were going to do, that they were going to freeze my wrist and use the main artery. Then they were going to put a tube up with a camera and dye to see if there were any blockage in the heart. Well let me tell you, I think that I would have rather had my three kids, open heart surgery and the Blood Gas done again instead! It was so painful! I couldn’t feel the poke but I could feel the tube go up my arm to my heart. After they did it I remember thinking to myself, wow! my grandmother did this three times???  twice in the arm and once in the leg!! I knew I had more respect for her after that!

The test results of that came clear, had no blockage at all. Thank goodness! On to the next test!!

What my arm looked like after the angiogram, the top picture was when they took the plastic bracelet off to keep the pressure on my artery and bandaged it up, the bottom one was when they took the bandage off.