where did the old me go?

A few weeks ago a friend of mine said she was having a get together for a tarot reading. She said that there was an open spot and wanted to know if I was interested in taking it. Now I know what you are thinking…tarot reading?? I know there are some of you that are skeptic of psychics or mediums and that’s okay. However, I do believe there are people who have the ability to talk to the “dead”. I believe there are spirits around us.

Anyways, the tarot reader only had a limit of 6 people to read that night. I was one of those 6. I hadn’t seen a psychic in over 2 years, and I was excited to be read. I have been to a few readings in the past and for some reason this reading made me emotional. I have never cried in a reading before. I couldn’t believe how she said things I needed to hear. Shannon (the reader) told me to believe in signs I have been given but have denied them. She mentioned about one sign in particular, about how spirits leave coins, for example; pennies. She said that it’s sad we don’t have pennies anymore (because we don’t make them in Canada) and they won’t be able to drop pennies as a sign. She also told me I have 7 people around me all the time to help guide and protect me. She went on and on.

The next day I felt I needed to tell my sister how my reading went. She was unable to chat with me right away, so I sent her the recording of my reading to see what she thought and we would catch up when she could.

She called me that evening lol. She understood what Shannon said the cards told me. She said she cried when she listened because she could hear the emotion in my voice and laughed because I asked a silly question. Then our conversation turned into about the past. She talked about what I was like before I had my surgery in 2004 (for my mitral valve). She said I was a very serious person, and they were careful what they could say to me. For example; they couldn’t joke around me because I would take it personally. I would get angry with the person for days even sometimes months!

When she was saying this to me, I couldn’t believe I forgot that is exactly what I was like! Then she continued to say after my surgery I was a totally different person. I looked at “life is too short” and did all the things I wanted to the fullest. I was happy, always telling people I loved them, and hugged them even! I looked at my life in a positive perspective. Then she told me when I had my collapse I changed again. I changed but in a different way, I am still a happy person, I just started to show signs of being afraid, and who worry’s a lot not that I didn’t always worry in the past but just even more.

I didn’t disagree with her when she told me this, I knew right away it was true. I did do those things. I do still look at life it’s short but I am not doing the things I loved. After the conversation we had, I went to bed and of course started to think about what we talked about, and I said to myself, “where did the old me go?” “what happened to me?” “why am I afraid?”

I woke up the next morning feeling very refreshed. I don’t know what it was, I just felt HAPPY! It was almost like I was a whole new person! I couldn’t be more thankful to be alive and I have my sister to thank for helping me “wake up”.

When I went to work that morning, I went to my desk and I pulled my chair out, and I noticed there was something on the floor………..it was a shiny penny! an American penny at that! I couldn’t believe it! I was shocked!! I immediately took a picture and sent it to my sister. She replied back saying “see trust in the signs”. I was in awe!

A few weeks later I chatted with my brother about this and he asked me did you see what year the penny was? I said no I didn’t even think to look at the year, I was just shocked that there was a penny! lol! I told him I would check in the morning what the year was. So I went to work the next day, checked the penny and the year on it was……………………………………………….2012!!!!

I quickly sent him a picture of the penny and he replied back saying “the year of your collapse!” I said “I know!!” I couldn’t believe it! I was in awe again! I also sent it to my sister and she asked me “what does this mean to you?” I replied back ” the year of my collapse”. Now, if that isn’t a sign I don’t know what is!!! I couldn’t believe that Shannon was right! To watch the signs, to believe in them!

I have said earlier I do believe in spirits and I definitely believe someone is giving me a sign they are here helping me.

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no longer afraid

A year ago today, I learned very quickly life is short.

A year ago today, I changed.

A year ago today was the last time I ran on a treadmill.

A year ago today,  I had faced something I was afraid of.

Death…………..

It’s been a fear since I was little.

A fear…… I am sure I have in common with many people.

A fear…….of not being able to see, hear or talk.

A fear…… of not being able to see my children get married one day or have children of their own.

A fear…… that no one would remember me.

I remember a few years back I had watched an episode of the Montel Williams show. He had a guest named Sylvia Browne on, I know what you’re thinking “the psychic??’ Yes a psychic haha. Anyways, I remember that episode because Sylvia had a person ask why she was afraid of dying and what did it mean? Sylvia said that people are afraid of dying because it’s not existing on earth. When I heard her say that, I thought “ya right”. But since January 24,2012, I have totally changed my opinion on death.

My sister-in-law M sent me a video of my nephews Little A and Mr.T. Little A (who was 2 1/2 at the time) had missed me and wanted to tell me, so M started to record. Little A said he missed me and wanted me to come “out of Manitoba”, and in the back ground  Mr.T (who is 5) had started to sing a song “I miss her so much, I don’t want her to leave our hearts, I love my Auntie S, my Auntie”.  When he sang that, it made me realize, life isn’t just here on earth or about seeing that person all the time. It’s always going to exist in people’s thoughts and in their hearts. That will never “die”.

I believe when it’s your time, it’s your time.

A year ago today wasn’t my time and I am still here for a reason.

I am no longer afraid of not being able to see my children get married and have kids of their own because they will tell their loved ones who I am.

I am no longer afraid no one would remember me because my loved ones will.

I know it’s not going to be easy leaving but I know my family will be okay, and they will always be there for each other. Even thou I am not going to be there physically, I will always be there.

For that I am no longer afraid…..