recovery

Before I was released from the hospital, February 1st, they had to test my Implantable Cardioverter Defibrillator to make sure it was in the right spot and show me what to look for when or if something were to go wrong.  They took me to a room that had a laptop type computer with a wand to “hook” me up to see how it was functioning. The nurse told me that she was going to tell me what she would be doing step by step so that I knew what to feel or not feel. I was so nervous! I even said to her, “You’re not going to shock me, to test it? are you?” she just giggled and said “No, they already did that when you were in surgery”. The nurse did some tests and I was getting a little nervous because I hadn’t felt anything yet, but she told me that I was going to feel my heart race. I couldn’t believe that this device could do this! and yet from a computer! I felt my heart pump faster, I was so afraid that she was going to make it go too fast then I would end up having a shock! but when I looked at the computer, it had shown my heart rate was only at 90, I knew it wouldn’t shock me. But I was still scared thou. Then she said that she was going to show me how it would feel if the battery is low or the lead from the ICD to the heart was not in place. She explained that it would feel like when your cell phone was on vibrate, and instead of feeling that vibration in your purse or pocket, I would feel it in my chest. Well let me tell you that was the weirdest feeling I had ever felt! The next weird feeling was the flutter, the flutter that would happen in my chest if my heart rate would go to 176, it would give me an ATP.  ATP is Anti-Tachycardia Pacing, which tries to pace the heart to its normal rhythm and if it doesn’t pace to the normal rhythm then it would give me an electrical shock to make the heart go back to its normal rhythm. The nurse then gave me a print out of my “settings”  which were that the ICD would watch my heart rate of 170 and at 176 it would give me an ATP and if it didn’t go back into rhythm then it would shock me.

I had stayed with K and M until I was ready to take the journey back to Manitoba. Before I took my journey back to Manitoba, I had yet another day that was going to be difficult. I wanted to meet the people who saved my life at the Rec Centre. I wanted to see the people who went with the voices that I heard that day, and to say “Thank you” for what they did for me. On February 7 th I faced the people who saved me, I cannot tell you the words to describe how I felt that day. How do you Thank someone for saving you? there are no words to completely say “Thank you” to someone who just gave you another chance at life.

Before I had walked in to the Rec Centre, I was very emotional. My emotions were so overwhelming that I had felt a flutter! I had felt my first ATP! I was so emotional that it had caused my heart rate to go high, so I tried to calm my self down and DC was there to hold me while I breathed. I was trying really hard to breathe and keep calm when I felt another flutter!(ATP) I had to keep my heart rate down because I knew if I didn’t, I would receive a shock. I didn’t want that to happen since it was only one week ago that I had the ICD implanted! I had finally calmed down enough to go in the building, they were waiting for me to come into the room where they were waiting. Well! I was so emotional that all I could do was cry. I think it was only for a few minutes that I cried, but it felt like a lifetime. I stood there looking in the faces of the lifeguards that saved my life and just cried, saying “Thank you”. I just didn’t know what else to say. What else would you say?  DC, K, and M were there with me and they just let me do what I needed to do. The lifeguards were so humble, they just kept on saying that they were happy to help and it was their “jobs” and that they were happy to see me alive. I told them I understand that it was their “job” but I felt that it wasn’t just their “job”. I felt that they were there for a reason, they were there to save me that day. After I had thanked the lifeguards, I knew that my recovery was going to be alright, that I was going to be alright. I wanted 2012 to start all over and start living, but when I got home something else happened………….

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