Wow! Time really does fly…….I was sitting here thinking what should I do since we are stuck at home with the pandemic of Covid 19 and thought when was the last time I wrote? I couldn’t remember the last time I wrote on my blog, so, I decided to look at the website and see when was the last time I posted, after I looked up the saved password to get in haha. Anyway I finally logged in and I couldn’t believe how long it was…….2015!!!! 5 yrs ago!! I couldn’t believe it! Like seriously! 5 yrs has gone by and I hadn’t touched this blog. Then I checked my “about me” page and saw this…
I am a happily married 30 something, who is a mother to three wonderful children, I married my best friend in 1994. I am a wife, mother, who loves to run, read , learn new things, speak my mind , would love to become an inspiring blogger/writer someday, and is a Sudden Arrhythmia Death Survivor.
With this blog, I hope to reach out to people on many levels, from topics with others that suffered Sudden Arrhythmia Death Syndrome (SADS), learning to live with an ICD (Implantable Cardioverter Defibrillator), just life in general with kids, health and running.The possibilities are endless!
Thanks for taking the time to get to know me!
I laughed out loud when I saw 30 something, First of all, I am no longer in my thirties, I am now in my forties (not going to lie I was feeling a little bit old seeing that) haha. So, when I have saw that I knew I definitely have to update that and thought maybe it was time to post something new too, maybe a little update in my life?? Because a lot has changed.
Like I said I am no longer in my “30’s” I am now in my “40’s” haha so if you need to do the math good luck, a woman never reveals her age. Still married, still have 3 children but 2 of them are married now, and I am a grandmother, well Omi they call me, I have 2 granddaughters and they are my world! Which I am terribly missing them due to this Covid 19 we are going through right now. Hope to get to see them and squeeze them tight soon. Now, lets see what else, Oh! I no longer run, unfortunately I am no longer allowed due to the heart and ICD, but I have come to terms with it and actually enjoy walking, (speed walking according to my kids and hubby haha) I have taken the time to enjoy walking and looking at nature more, there is so much to see when you are walking and not rushing by missing the leaves on trees or the buzzing sound of the bees in the trees or bushes. Saying hello to people as you walk by instead of saying excuse me, you’re in my way or I’m on your right.
We have moved again in those 5yrs to another city, which has it’s pros and cons like any place you live in but when you have lived in small rural areas for off and on 20yrs being in a city is great for just grabbing something to eat or just stopping in the mall just to browse, or getting to go to the Movie theatre, to the Y to exercise or join classes, all kinds of things you can do in a city. Then again it can be a con, spending more money, getting fat because you are eating out more, buying things that you probably don’t need but you buy just because you want it. But the pro of living here especially where we are is the scenery, we are literally only 10 houses away from the Coulees and it is so beautiful. Another pro is you don’t have to drive an hour or two to get to a city to get all the things you need.
Anyways, I am just rambling on, time to move on to the next thing that has changed. I have changed careers, I no longer work in the Administrative world. I have my own little business now, I am currently a Spiritual Healer, Reiki Practitioner, Birth & Postpartum Doula. I started my little business over a year ago and started in my home for a while but I decided to move and rent a space. I moved into a space Mar 1 of this year but only got to work for a few weeks since we were shut down due to Covid 19. It was going so well too! I cannot wait until I get to go back to help give healing to people. However, I have been working on little projects to keep me busy for now until I go back. I cannot wait to share those later.
Well, I think that is it for now, I hope to update a little more often than five years…….so for now I will post this and update my “about me”
What a weekend I just had, it was mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting. Well I guess it wasn’t just this weekend but for the last 4 months of training and about 20 years in the making.
It all started about 20 years ago…. like I said long time coming, I attended my very first yoga class. I remember it like it was yesterday, I walked into class with a yoga mat under my arm and was super nervous and excited to try this “practice” they called it. As I walked in I noticed the yoga teacher and she smiled at me and said welcome, and asked if I have done any yoga before and I said no, then she said you can find a spot anywhere you would like. So I went to the very back of the room placed my mat down and sat waiting for whatever was going to happen.
People started coming in and the room was starting to fill up. The teacher then told us to start by lying down on our mats. We all did. She then started to tell us to connect with our breath by breathing in our nose and out the mouth. She said to set an intention for our practice and I remember thinking huh? Intention? For what? She then told us to get up in seated position and we started stretching our arms, and back with twists. Then we were going to do sun salutations. I am pretty sure at this point the look on my face was so confused it was definitely showing on my face like a wart on a witch’s face.
Anyways, she proceeded to tell us how to do these sun salutations, and she said lots of words I didn’t understand at all and I started to look around the room thinking oh goodness what have I gotten myself into!? I remember looking around at all the other students in the class trying my best with the poses. After we did a few of them in a row I was beginning to get tired and out of breath. I was so happy when she said we were going to do other postures like Warrior 1. We did a bunch more postures, we got to lie back down on our backs again and we did “cool down” and then the room got quiet. She softly told us to be aware of the room again and get up and said thank you for coming to this practice “namaste”.
After the hour long yoga class, I wasn’t sure what to think of this “practice”. I left so fast I didn’t even let the teacher have a chance to talk to me after class! I was so lost, I felt so out of place I just wanted to go home. When I got home I started to research the yoga postures she had said that I could remember. I googled sun salutation and it showed the various poses that I had done in class. When I saw these postures online I decided to go again, to see if I would enjoy it having a little more understanding of at least the sun salutations.
I went to the next class the following week, where I lived at the time it was a small town and it was only offered once a week in the evening so I went again and this time let me tell you this time I didn’t go to the very back of the class. I moved up into the middle this time so I could watch the teacher closely. What a difference that made. My experience was totally different the second time. I was so happy when I left class that evening, I knew this was something I wanted to learn more of and practice to get better at it.
I signed up for more classes and tried different types but at that time there really wasn’t a whole lot of varieties like there is today but I tried out each type and loved going to Hatha classes. After going for a while, I really was loving yoga, I even tried to see what it would entail being a yoga teacher but life got busy with having three kids, work and health issues that popped up it just didn’t work for me to attend. Plus it was getting harder to get an instructor to come out to our small town to teach classes, so you would have to drive at least an hour to a class. I did try some yoga on dvds at home but it just wasn’t the same atmosphere at home as it was in a studio or space.
Slowly my yoga practice was getting non existent. We were moving around a lot to smaller communities and it was even more difficult to get to a yoga practice because it wasn’t offered. My desire to be a yoga teacher grew more thou, due to the lack of yoga classes being offered to smaller communities but again I didn’t have the time or money to do it. When I was researching how much it was to take the training it was between $5,000 – $10,000 depending where you were going to take it and there weren’t very many schools teaching it near where I was living.
Years go by and I still had this desire to be a yoga teacher. Three years ago, we moved to another city and this time we were empty-nesters, no kids to look after, I didn’t have a job to go to yet so I took the time to take “me” time. I am not going to lie being an empty nester was not easy, I struggled with my identity, I was no longer taking care of any of the kids and I didn’t know what to do since they were my primary focus for 18 years of their lives. So I went back to exercise, joined a fitness club and thought maybe it was time to get back into shape, however I went for six months and knew in my heart it just wasn’t for me. So I looked into doing something else and I couldn’t believe that I totally forgot about YOGA!!!
I went online to find some yoga studios to find classes, well…..I was so surprised at how many there were first of all, second, so many different classes are being offered. I didn’t even know what kind they were so I tried ones that I thought were safe for me. Again, I went to a yoga class with mat under my arm, nervous and excited at the same time because it has been quite a few years since my last yoga class. Again the teacher greeted me in the room, again the same questions but this time I told her that I had previous experience but now I am limited in some of the poses. She was so grateful for me to mention this because she had said that she could help with modifications. I was so surprised when she said this to me because when I first started yoga years ago there were no modifications especially the classes I took. Class started and omg!!! I fell in love again! The instructor was so helpful with the modifications and the class was so lovely, I knew that I was going to bring yoga back into my life.
Being a yoga teacher was still something I wanted to do, so I looked online for yoga training that would be close by but unfortunately there wasn’t one. There was a school approximately two hours away and they weren’t offering a course until July and it wasn’t even offered in the same city where the school was! Again I was in the same dilemma I was years ago, where I had to drive, so I thought well…… if I have to drive anyways why not find a school that I could at least stay with family?? So I searched on Yoga Alliance’s website for schools in the Edmonton area. I looked and looked at so many, there weren’t too many schools offering courses until the fall of 2020, until I found Higher Love Yoga Academy. I read their reviews, which had the most by the way and were all excellent ones, so I opened their website to read more. I couldn’t believe it but I could feel through their website that this was the school I wanted to sign up with. So, I contacted them to find out what would be the requirements and if there were any restrictions, plus I wanted to let them know I had some limitations and if that would be a problem. After a quick response, they said it wasn’t an issue but I responded back with before committing I needed to make sure I got the clearance with my doctor to take the course.
After, I got the clearance from my doctor there wasn’t anything stopping me to join so that day I paid the tuition and was registered! I still remember it like it was yesterday! Jan 17, 2020 and class was to start on Jan 24, 2020! It was one week away! I felt so excited and overwhelmed because I felt maybe it was a rash decision to do this but I paid the tuition already and I went that first weekend in Edmonton. The first night meeting all the ladies and Sara the instructor whom I had been in contact with felt so right being there that I knew I was meant to be there. Training was for 8 weekends through out 4 months, the training was all weekend and very intense. Lots of yoga in the short amount of hours in the weekend that we had to learn. I remember about the 3rd weekend in I hit a wall, I didn’t know if I could continue or if this was for me. One of the instructors, Kristen told us we would at one point hit a wall but assured us we would push through and she was right! Kristen was so supportive when I told her I was hitting that wall, and I did push through!
Then Covid 19 happened……and the world shut down. I was so worried, wasn’t sure what was going to happen because we as the world wasn’t allowed to be in public places with more than 15 people and we had to social distance! Well how do you do that with yoga? You are constantly in close contact with people. However, thank goodness for the internet and Sara, she told us that we would continue our training online and Yoga Alliance was allowing this method and we would be still recognized as yoga teachers. So we did our training online and at first it wasn’t easy because we had to figure out how to teach online, but as time went on we got it! We did our training as scheduled as if we were all in person. I looked forward to seeing everyone even thou it wasn’t “in person” but it was still great to see them virtually. Especially when we had been house bound.
Now fast forward to this past weekend, this was our practicum weekend and we had to teach our own 1 hour sequenced class to our peers. I chose to teach prenatal class for my practicum because I eventually want to further my education to prenatal yoga teacher. Now I am not going to lie, teaching prenatal was harder than I thought, so many safety cues to point out and to figure out what poses were safe for pregnant women. I had put a sequence together and with the help of my teacher making sure I wasn’t putting any poses that could potentially put pregnant women at risk and practiced it. Boy did I practice, I think out of the 4 weeks of practice I only missed 4 days due to a “quick bathroom” renovation haha. So this weekend we all taught our sequences to each other and it was AMAZING!! But also intense because it was a lot of yoga in a day! I had my “class” at 3:30 on Saturday last one of the day, I was excited and nervous at the same time. I had my sequence printed on paper in front of me so I could follow it along like I had practiced all month but I was so nervous that I didn’t even follow it! I was rambling but probably wasn’t but you think you are when teaching because you are in your head too much haha but I pushed through and finished. I couldn’t believe it, DONE!! I received my pass and I couldn’t be more grateful. I PASSED!!! I completed my 200hr YTT!! I am a certified yoga teacher!
I still can’t believe it! I did what I wanted to do for almost 20 yrs and now it’s here. I have been so emotional that I have been crying off and on because I DID IT! I DID IT! I am sure it won’t really sink in until I start getting out and teaching, once the world comes together again one day. Also I want to say is I have been a firm believer in everything happens in your path for a reason and it’s all about timing. I now know why it took me almost 20 yrs to become a yoga teacher and I couldn’t be more grateful for this opportunity now. I know I wasn’t in the right mind set to be a yoga teacher in the last 20 yrs and with my new business flourishing I know that this is apart of it.
I had seen a medium about 2 yrs ago and in my reading she was telling me things about my dad at the time and out of the blue she mentioned a name……..Sara, she says, she asked me if I knew a Sara and I said no I didn’t. She said to remember that name because this person, this Sara was going help me bring out my creativity side. I didn’t think much of it until the first weekend I met all the ladies at my yoga teacher training, it occurred to me the second night when I woke up I remembered my reading. I went back (I had taped it lol) to listen to it and there it was! Sara!
Right then I knew this was my timing and she was the one who was going to help me on my journey. I am so very grateful for this woman, Sara is one of the most remarkable woman (insert tears lol) I have ever met with her quotes of wisdom and stories, she has made me want to be a better person. I have learned so much not just with her but also with the history of yoga and what it represents and how to apply it to my life. I have forever changed from this learning and I hope to continue to share this with as much passion as she does who has done this training and teaching. I am forever grateful for the knowledge of the 2 other instructors who taught us anatomy, trauma and all their experiences, Lisa and Kristen you have brought so much to this journey that it added so much more than just yoga for that I thank you both as well.
Last but not least, I am so ever grateful, honoured and proud for the ladies I shared this experience with it has been such a pleasure to get to know these ladies, and can’t wait to see all of our journeys ahead. So thank you Hailey, Roshni, Pam, Jessica, Alana, Dee, Valentina, Joanna, Kate, Kristel, Alicia and Chantelle. You ladies are always going to be my family, love you all. We all rock! We are going to be the best teachers!
A few weeks ago a friend of mine said she was having a get together for a tarot reading. She said that there was an open spot and wanted to know if I was interested in taking it. Now I know what you are thinking…tarot reading?? I know there are some of you that are skeptic of psychics or mediums and that’s okay. However, I do believe there are people who have the ability to talk to the “dead”. I believe there are spirits around us.
Anyways, the tarot reader only had a limit of 6 people to read that night. I was one of those 6. I hadn’t seen a psychic in over 2 years, and I was excited to be read. I have been to a few readings in the past and for some reason this reading made me emotional. I have never cried in a reading before. I couldn’t believe how she said things I needed to hear. Shannon (the reader) told me to believe in signs I have been given but have denied them. She mentioned about one sign in particular, about how spirits leave coins, for example; pennies. She said that it’s sad we don’t have pennies anymore (because we don’t make them in Canada) and they won’t be able to drop pennies as a sign. She also told me I have 7 people around me all the time to help guide and protect me. She went on and on.
The next day I felt I needed to tell my sister how my reading went. She was unable to chat with me right away, so I sent her the recording of my reading to see what she thought and we would catch up when she could.
She called me that evening lol. She understood what Shannon said the cards told me. She said she cried when she listened because she could hear the emotion in my voice and laughed because I asked a silly question. Then our conversation turned into about the past. She talked about what I was like before I had my surgery in 2004 (for my mitral valve). She said I was a very serious person, and they were careful what they could say to me. For example; they couldn’t joke around me because I would take it personally. I would get angry with the person for days even sometimes months!
When she was saying this to me, I couldn’t believe I forgot that is exactly what I was like! Then she continued to say after my surgery I was a totally different person. I looked at “life is too short” and did all the things I wanted to the fullest. I was happy, always telling people I loved them, and hugged them even! I looked at my life in a positive perspective. Then she told me when I had my collapse I changed again. I changed but in a different way, I am still a happy person, I just started to show signs of being afraid, and who worry’s a lot not that I didn’t always worry in the past but just even more.
I didn’t disagree with her when she told me this, I knew right away it was true. I did do those things. I do still look at life it’s short but I am not doing the things I loved. After the conversation we had, I went to bed and of course started to think about what we talked about, and I said to myself, “where did the old me go?” “what happened to me?” “why am I afraid?”
I woke up the next morning feeling very refreshed. I don’t know what it was, I just felt HAPPY! It was almost like I was a whole new person! I couldn’t be more thankful to be alive and I have my sister to thank for helping me “wake up”.
When I went to work that morning, I went to my desk and I pulled my chair out, and I noticed there was something on the floor………..it was a shiny penny! an American penny at that! I couldn’t believe it! I was shocked!! I immediately took a picture and sent it to my sister. She replied back saying “see trust in the signs”. I was in awe!
A few weeks later I chatted with my brother about this and he asked me did you see what year the penny was? I said no I didn’t even think to look at the year, I was just shocked that there was a penny! lol! I told him I would check in the morning what the year was. So I went to work the next day, checked the penny and the year on it was……………………………………………….2012!!!!
I quickly sent him a picture of the penny and he replied back saying “the year of your collapse!” I said “I know!!” I couldn’t believe it! I was in awe again! I also sent it to my sister and she asked me “what does this mean to you?” I replied back ” the year of my collapse”. Now, if that isn’t a sign I don’t know what is!!! I couldn’t believe that Shannon was right! To watch the signs, to believe in them!
I have said earlier I do believe in spirits and I definitely believe someone is giving me a sign they are here helping me.
Yep! Its true, I’m still alive! I just haven’t written in a while and it’s time to update. Lots happened in 2014.
First, I finally got an appointment to see a genetic counsellor to see if I could get Long QT genetic testing done.
On May 21, 2014 I went to the Alberta Health genetic clinic and talked with Tara the genetic counsellor about my case. With reviewing my medical history and collapse, they didn’t see why I wouldn’t be approved for Alberta Health to pay for the test. They also said it would take a few weeks to find out from the board if I would be approved and if I was then it would take a few months for the results.
After waiting over 2 years to have this test done, I was so happy to have someone help me get this going. I left the clinic emotional because over 2 years since my collapse I was finally going to get answers. When I shared my story to the counsellor I thought I wouldn’t be emotional. But I was. As my good friend once told me emotions are like waves of the ocean, sometimes they will be calm at bay and sometimes rough. It’s true! Some days I don’t even think about it and I’m fine. But when something special happens I get emotional and thankful I’m alive!
For a few weeks after the appointment I started to worry……..in other words I started having anxiety. I worried… what if I wasn’t approved? How would we pay for it? What if I have Long QT? What if I didn’t?? What would be my next step? Would there be another test to find out answers? The list went on and on.
I was up and down. I was beginning to feel anxiety that I had after my collapse, so I decided to see my Dr and ask him if I should see a psychologist. He thought that I should and meet with one he highly recommended. I ended having a phone session with the psychologist and what a difference that made. She was so helpful. She told me that it was normal to have these anxieties with a trauma I had. I felt relieved! I really did think I was going crazy! She said I could call her anytime if I felt I needed to, but after that conversation I knew I wouldn’t need to. I knew there wasn’t anything I could do until I heard from the clinic with the answers.
June 10, I received a phone call from Tara telling me, I’m approved!!!! The board was going to do the test! I was so happy!! Tara said that I had to have my blood drawn so they could test it and we would get the results in a few months. She predicted the fall sometime. I quickly went got my blood drawn that day! I didn’t want to delay it any longer.
On September 4, I found out my results of the test……..it was good news and bad in a way, the good news was that I didn’t test positive for the Long QT gene, and our children/my siblings do not have the gene either. They also will not have to have ICD’s implanted for precautionary measures which is a relief! But the bad news is that there isn’t any other testing for the heart that I can have done and so that gives me no real concrete answers to why my collapse happened. So it gave me mixed feelings not that I wanted to have Long QT but I just wanted to have an answer. After all we are human and we like to know answers.
So in a nut shell, I am still without answers but I am so blessed being alive!!! I’m thankful for a lot of things, we have three beautiful children, a granddaughter who was born on April 9/14 and one more grandchild on the way! What else could I ask for!
I thought I was doing well living a “normal life”, watching my health doing light exercises. Well apparently, I am not. Why? Well a few months ago, I had to go to the hospital. I was having severe chest pains. At first when I felt this sharp pain I ignored it. I had ignored it because I thought “oh it’s nothing”. ( I know what you’re thinking….stupid why are you ignoring chest pains??) I had ignored this pain for a couple of hours. It was our anniversary, DC and I decided to go out for supper.
While we were at supper I continued to have these sharp pains, it felt like it was shooting directly to the heart. DC saw me jump one time when I had really bad one and asked me if I had the hiccups. I replied no, and said I’ve had these sharp pains in the chest. DC asked me if we should go to the hospital, and I of course said no I’m fine. But DC knew better and said he was taking me to the hospital.
When we finished our supper, I know again…stupid waiting until we finished our supper but I didn’t want to go. I was so nervous. I was being stubborn. When we arrived to the Emergency, the nurse asked what was my reason for coming in. I told her that I had chest pains. She looked at me with a puzzled face, like “really?” I told her that I have a history of heart problems and an ICD. The nurse asked me questions about my symptoms and said to go straight thru the emergency so I could be looked at right away.
We went in and the emergency nurse immediately put me in a room told me to undress so she could put the heart monitor on me. Then she immediately put an IV in, this all happened within 10 mins. I couldn’t believe how quickly they were attending to me. They told me they take any chest pain very seriously and do not take any chances. Well this made me worry, I started to panic and I started to cry because I didn’t want something to happen again. Made me think about when I first collapsed and when I was shocked. All the emotions of that made me cry and I realized I wasn’t over it. I wasn’t over the trauma.
The doctor came in and did an assessment, checked my heart, ordered a blood test to make sure I didn’t have a blood clot forming, sent me for an ECG. Nothing showed any signs of a heart attack or stroke, the next thing the doctor suggested that it might be my lead from the ICD. He said that it might be possible the lead moved and is giving me little electrical shocks.
I started to panic, I looked at DC and just burst in to tears. I did not want to hear that! The doctor said I needed a CT scan done to see if the lead moved but couldn’t do it until the morning when the tech would come in. DC and I went home for a few hours to sleep, which I didn’t get much of. I just of course worried. Finally morning came and we went back to the hospital for the scan.
After a few hours at the hospital I had a cardiologist come look at the scan results and told me that the ICD did not move! I was so relieved!! But we still didn’t know why I was getting sharp chest pains until after one of the nurses said she had similar pains but it was because she was exercising too hard. Well! It was like a doorbell went ding! In my brain and I knew! I knew why I was getting the pain! I was helping DC put boards down for our deck. I remembered, I was holding the board too long and I said to DC to hurry because it was making my arm sore.
The doctor had given me some medication to help with the pain but said if it still persisted I was to come back. After we left the hospital, I couldn’t believe by holding one board would hurt me that much and made me realize, I am still not over it and it will be one day at a time……….
I know I haven’t written in a long while. I haven’t been in the mood to write.
Today, January 24th…….is my lucky day. I can’t believe it’s been 2 years! It’s amazing how time goes by so quickly and yet it feels like it was yesterday. I have been quite emotional this past week coming up to my anniversary. I think I always will not because it’s sad, but because I am so grateful.
It’s not a day that goes by I don’t think about the day of my collapse (in a good way). I think about how lucky I was at the right place, the right time and how lucky it was to have the lifeguards doing their first aid meeting. The lifeguards will always be apart of my life for what they did for me. Gave me life. Again.
Lots have happened in the past 2 years, I got to drive again, ran a 5k and walked another, watched our daughter D graduate, moved to another province, was apart from DC for 9 months because we couldn’t sell our house, sold our house, got clearance to go back to work again, travelled, and to become grandparents.
I can look forward to the many years ahead, to watch my children grow and have their own families. I have learned life is short and to not take it for granted.
It’s amazing how the brain can tell your body what to do.
It’s amazing how stress can affect your body.
I am just figuring this all out. I know what you’re thinking……”didn’t you know this?” Well I did, but just didn’t realize it, until a few weeks ago. My brother K asked me in the hospital (before I had my ICD implanted), how was I going to live the rest of my life? Was I going to go back to doing the things I always did (with Dr’s permission of course) or was I going to be afraid. I promised I wouldn’t be afraid.
Easier said than done…………..
I was doing really good in the beginning. After I healed and felt stronger, I told myself “oh I’m going to be fine” “this isn’t so bad” “I’ll be doing all the things I did before in no time”.
After my shock back in March 2012, it changed my whole perceptive on that promise. Like I said in another post. I was afraid. I was afraid of everything. It was hard to tell my mind, my body is okay and I could do things again like drive, and start running.
My first hurdle was driving. Driving was something I always had a battle with. I wasn’t like all teenagers who knew at 16 wanted their license right away. Having deaf parents made me afraid of driving. Why? Well when one of my parents would drive they would be like any parent and talk while driving. However, my parents couldn’t talk, so they would have to sign with their hands. When they would do this, they would have one hand on the steering wheel and the other signing to me. I don’t know how many times I would sign “stop signing” “watch the road”. Some days I don’t know how we ever survived the roads hahaha. You would think I’d want to drive them around instead. But nope! I was not comfortable getting my license.
I was 18 when I decided to get my learners. I had my learners for 3 years and finally got my license. When I started driving, I couldn’t believe the freedom I had! I loved it!! I remember thinking why I didn’t get it sooner? Every chance I had I would drive, whether it was just to the store or long distance. I loved driving!
I couldn’t drive for 7 months after my collapse and it was very hard losing that independence. But I did get used to having DC drive me around. It made me feel safe knowing I wouldn’t be responsible hurting anyone on the road if I was driving. When I was cleared to drive, I was so nervous. I felt like I was 18 learning all over again. I called the pacemaker clinic a few times just to confirm I could drive again. They probably thought “oh goodness it’s her again” hahaha, but I was really nervous. What if I had a therapy while driving?? The best thing the Nurse said to me was “you’re the safest person on the road, you get a 16 second warning before you receive a therapy, others don’t have any warning at all, it just happens”. I remember thinking 16 seconds?? That’s not a lot of time, but in reality it actually is. I have been driving for the last 10 months now, and I’m not going to lie, at first I had anxiety if people were driving too close to my back bumper. What if I had to slam my breaks in a hurry and they would hit me? But I realized they would have to pay attention or hit me.
Running…….the second hurdle, just before Christmas, I was told by my doctor I could slowly start getting back into running. He said, I needed to have a heart monitor with a strap to monitor my heart rate. Also the beta-blocker I am taking my heart rate shouldn’t rise more than 150. I was so happy to hear this and was determinded to start running. So I thought I should start doing Yoga first to help the breathing. I did Yoga for three months. During that time I had researched all kinds of heart monitors. I didn’t realize how many there were and which ones I couldn’t use because some of them have magnets inside them. I decided to call St. Jude Medical (the company who made my ICD) to see what they recommended. They told me the ICD I have they tested with the Polar heart rate monitors. So I went and bought myself one.
I thought I had the breathing down pretty good, so I started to run. My first time running was so exhilarating! I did what the doctor said started off slow. I used the Couch to 5K app like I had two years ago. I was doing great! In the first two weeks of three days a week running, I decided to register for a 5K run in June. My daughter C is joining me for this run.
After the fourth week of running, I could tell the running was getting harder. The runs were getting more intense with running longer and walking shorter. It was really hard. I could feel my heart race faster, but I would check my heart rate often and it was fine. The next week I decided to go back a week and make it easier for myself but when I started to run I looked at my heart rate and it jumped to 162! It scared me! When I was controlling it between 115-130. So I stopped myself and stood to breathe and relax myself. Once I had gotten it back down I tried again but I would constantly watch my monitor.
The next run that week I followed the run on the app but found it was still too hard. So I decided to use a timer. I decided I would run 3 mins and walk 1 min. The first time I ran the 3 min walk 1 I thought I was doing great, I was controlling my breathing and my HR(heart rate). The second time I went I noticed that my HR went to 167! I started to get nervous and tried slowing down and it was good. My third time running was not so good. My mind was already playing tricks on me. My HR jumped to 172! I stopped immediately! I sat down on the ground and started breathing in and out to have the rate slow down. It went down but I was scared to start running again so I walked the rest. The fourth time I went, I was nervous. I didn’t want my HR to go up again like last time. So I took my time on the pace and was breathing in and out. However, that day was the highest my HR went since my collapse. It went to 185! That really scared me. I stopped sat on the ground again. Being at 185 was not far away from being at 200 when I would receive a therapy. When I got my HR down I decided to walk the rest again.
I thought I should see if the heart rate monitor strap was right. Maybe it wasn’t going as high it showed. So I did a home transmission to see how right it was. I sent the transmission and got a call the next morning from the pacemaker clinic. The nurse said she had looked at my transmission was very concerned. I told her, I had started running and bought a heart strap wanted to see if it was right. Those four HR’s were right, in fact she said it was bang on! she said she needed to send it to the Doctor. Right at that moment I thought uh oh! They are going to tell me that I can’t run anymore. When the doctor called me back, he recommended I try to control my HR going no higher than 150 or I will no longer be able to run again. He suggested I start slower like walking or speed walking until I figure out how to control the breathing and HR.
Since then, which is about three weeks ago, I have tried to run and control my HR. Unfortunately it is not staying low enough. But I am determined to continue. My mind isn’t helping. I had mentioned I registered for a 5K run and it’s this Saturday. I decided I am going to do what I can, whether I run a little, most of it or walk it. As long as I am doing it and having fun, that’s the most important to me now. Telling your mind to not worry about things your body does is difficult and it’s something I have to work on.