anniversaries

Today is the one year anniversary of my blog, I can’t believe how fast time has gone by. I remember my first blog post, and how nervous I was to have people read my thoughts. As I read back on my first post, I think how much I have changed since then. I am no longer nervous about people reading my thoughts, it’s been a challenging road this journey I am taking but all for the good.

In the past few weeks I have had some tough one year “anniversaries”. Obvious, major one was the one year the day of my collapse. I know I have said I am no longer afraid, which is true I am not, but I did have some emotions to work through. I’m not going to lie, the day was emotional, I had moments when I would be laughing or crying. I would cry because I was so lucky to have been at the right place at the right time. I would cry because I was sad to know that my loved ones who were at the “scene” will never forget. I would laugh, remembering some of my story and how there were some funny moments. Like when I was upset the lifeguards ripped my favourite shirt and for everyone to see me in the open, when clearly it was important or when DC bought a movie for us to watch in the hospital, to keep our spirits up and seeing two men cry. Every time I see the cover of that movie I smile and think of DC and K, how they both were trying to make things better for me.

The next anniversary was the day they put the ICD in, I wasn’t all that emotional for that but it was an anniversary. Next one was the day I thanked the lifeguards. I still think of them everyday, again I know it was their “job” but they will always be a part of my life and I will always thank them for doing their job.

Another major anniversary was the death of my Dad. I was in a different kind of mood that day. I would try not to think about it but then I would have moments when I couldn’t stop thinking about it. How it went so fast and I wasn’t there in “time” to say goodbye. I said I didn’t have any regrets, but that isn’t true. The one and only regret, I have by not being there in time to say goodbye is, I wanted him to know I was okay, in person. I know he knew I collapsed and I was okay but I wished he could have seen me before he left. I know he is in a better place and I only hope he is happy.

I will always have anniversaries, we all do. The trick is how we deal with them and remember those who have touched our lives makes us stronger.

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4 Comments on “anniversaries”

  1. Rebecca Neimand says:

    I can definitely relate!
    When I had my cardiac arrest, I know the pain of having a bunch of emts performing rib-breaking CPR, being seen in the open in public, to have drugs being put in my veins, and a tube being put down my throat and then to wake up in the hospital a few days later not knowing with no recollection of my event. Feel free to email me! beccanei3@outlook.com

  2. Rebecac says:

    So did they every give your cut off shirt and bra back? keep mine for memory along with the medics report and my ICD scar ;)
    Here’s 2 SCA survivor groups for ya;
    1 exclusively for SCA survivors https://www.facebook.com/groups/194731010543482/
    the other for Survivors and Friends ;)

    https://www.facebook.com/groups/106377599503841/


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